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Um. Yeah. I feel empty. I enjoy watching videos of them. I mean, they are so freaking hot. Who doesn't enjoy watching videos of hot dudes?! I laugh, I sigh, I go crazy watching these videos. These are good things. I'm supposed to be feeling good. But I feel empty. It's not a very nice feeling. School is out. Summer camp is here. Newbies are all awesomely cool. Air conditioning rocks. All my friends are amazing. People are so nice and sweet. Life is good. I'm supposed to be feeling good. Yet I feel empty. I should stop being obsessed over them. That I can do (maybe). Suppressing my obsession shouldn't be that hard. But what can I do about feeling empty over summer camp? I don't even know the real reason for this emptiness and sadness and whatnot. It's annoying me. This year, I had looked forward to summer camp because I wouldn't have to do school, and I absolutely love meeting new people and being together with all my friends in one big building; but then I get here, and I don't feel good. Something seems to be missing. Or rather, it feels like there's a fun and cheerful cover to the melancholy air that hangs around and won't leave. I don't know. I'm confused. Zo Ma is gone. I won't ever see her sitting in that same old chair that has come to be known as hers. I won't ever hear her deep, funny chuckle or her scolding me when I rock my chair. It seems weird to think that she’s gone. Just like that. I don’t think I will forget the words Jean told me over MSN. “Great Grandmother passed away, at 5 o'clock." Then, “Rainbow.." The way she put those two teeny, little, insignificant dots behind my name made me shiver like crazy. My first thought was, “Riiiiight.” I used to read stories about people who lost friends and family and how their first response was the same as mine, and I used to be a little skeptical. I didn’t believe that everyone would have identical reactions and that they would all not accept the fact right away. It wasn’t until I had the same experience that I realised that I guess it’s just the natural way to react. I’m working on a poem for my friends who helped me through the hard times, and I’ll put it up when I’m done and maybe write down exactly what happened that day. This is basically everything that’s happening in a nutshell.
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